Unrest

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I had many dreams. One of them, the last one before waking up at 7 am, was one that left me feeling really uneasy and burdened. I’m not sure what caused the dream, as the subject matter has not been in my conscience lately. The feeling I had when I woke up was a conviction of how I had forgotten about the suffering of others. I don’t know how to describe it…it was a very heavy feeling, like I had done something wrong. I felt bad for getting caught up in my own day to day concerns. It’s so easy—so easy to forget that there are millions of people who live in fear. Fear of being taken advantage of. Fear of vulnerability and insecurity. Fear of death. As I tried to write down my thoughts, I already found it hard to describe my emotions. The weight of my convictions were being eroded by thoughts of my long day ahead and the burdens of school. The lighthearted and comparatively carefree concerns of my peers further diluted the weight of this reminder. What I do remember is how I felt so small in the midst of all this evil. There was not much I could do in my dream for the people I wanted to help. I was pursued and I felt trapped, hard pressed on every side, and flustered by opposition. The only thing I could do was ask God with a heavy hearted resignation to do something, to have mercy on those suffering ones (and on me, powerless to help them), and to forgive me for my callousness. Come, Lord Jesus, come soon (Revelation 22:20).

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