So much for change

Church pretty much sucked today. Computer problems made it very, very frustrating to prepare for the message on Daniel 9:20-27. Both my laptop and desktop were being really retarded. I didn’t have anything by the time I went to bed. It’s a very confusing passage. So we listened to Iain Duguid for the first time. I learned a lot, but the kids probably didn’t learn anything because they never learn anything. The kids were lifeless during worship, but I only looked up twice because I knew what I would see. So I stuck to playing guitar and singing and forgot about the rest of them. They didn’t share any significant prayer requests until I prodded them and stood waiting for a full minute, and then only one guy said anything.  I told them to pray for my mission trip to Mexico starting tomorrow, and little 10-year-old Daniel waved his hand in front of his face as the signal for “smelly.” You’re kidding me, I thought. I really wanted to pick him up and throw him across the room. Some other kid said something too about Mexicans, but I don’t remember. I was really angry inside, and Grace, Andrew, and I were pretty exasperated after the end of service.

It’s really frustrating, and I’ve never felt so defeated as I felt today. I felt no shame in not wanting to talk to the fobs at all. We talked about how we hated how pampered they were and how we had no power to discipline them because their parents would get mad at us. We resented their parents not doing anything about them, especially being pastors’ families.

Please pray for me and our team in Mexico. I’m still mad, frustrated, depressed, grieved, and distressed at our church. It’s so great to be around solid believers in KCM. I really need that fellowship to give me strength to serve. Because honestly, I’d prefer not to deal with it. But who else is there to do it?

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