Wisdom from a sister in Christ

I stumbled across a blog post by Dwayna Litz titled “A Godly Relationship: Only When A Man Leads.” It is good to read about godly relationships from a woman’s perspective. The reason I’m writing about it is because of an observation she makes:

I am reminded of years ago when I lived in LA. Men there would say, “Call me sometime.” I would say, “I don’t call men. But, you can call me. Here is my number.” This forces the man to “lead”—what a concept!

Here in NYC even the lost men know how to pursue a woman. The men here culturally are different from the men in CA apparently. The men here don’t have any problem walking up to a woman and saying, “You are beautiful. Would you like to meet out for lunch? May I have your number?” This is nice—they know how to communicate with a woman like a lady, realizing that women have needs to be cherished and are EXTREMELY different from men.

I just find her observation so insightful. There’s a stereotype of Asian men being passive, and though I’ve found many of my white Christian friends at school to be more assertive in their relationships with girls, it’s interesting how she, being white and neither from LA or NYC originally, has experienced that men in LA are more reluctant to lead.

I think when I finished reading the post the first time, I was hesitant to accept her opinions of how Christian men and women should act toward one another. Some of it had biblical basis, but there were no verses quoted or references to Christ’s relationship to the Church (which should be the thing driving Christians’ views of marriage and relationships). Then I began to browse through her other blog entries. I realized that the blog was actually a blog for updating about things this organization called Lighting The Way was doing. And geez, there are a TON of posts. The most recent one (when I checked it) said “West Hollywood” and briefly mentioned that a few of the staff members had worked until 1 am. I realized that this ministry did evangelism work in Southern California, including Venice Beach, Santa Monica, and West Hollywood. They mention evangelistic efforts to New Agers, homosexuals, Oneness Pentecostals, Mormons, and homeless people. I visited the main website for Lighting The Way and became overwhelmed by all the work they are doing, the spiritual battles they are fighting. I realized that Dwayna Litz was the founder of this ministry.

There was a link on the side called “About Dwayna,” and I began to read about her story. My heart began to soften as I read about her childhood in the South, about her career in the music industry, about her passion for God and evangelism, about how she came to Grace Community Church to learn from John MacArthur, and about how she started Lighting The Way as an extension of the church’s ministries in 2002. How large it has grown since then! There were portions in the story about how she would feel alone but how her love for God and hunger for the Word sustained her. Reading that in light of her thoughts on relationships (and eventually, I also read “How Can I Be Single and Happy?”), I felt a deep admiration for her. What a steadfast laborer for Christ! Such passion and devotion. She is so beautiful and precious in the sight of God. When I read random blog posts by Christian girls who say that Jesus is their love, it’s hard for it to register with me, mostly because I wrote a paper for a history of American religion class on Christian romance novels and how for the women that read them, God and Jesus become these great romancers. It all seemed a bit cheesy to me, a product of mushy evangelical theology. But when I read Dwayna write, “I do not have the gift of celibacy” and “I became fulfilled in Jesus when I stopped looking for anyone else,” I know she is being honest and real, not merely giving up out of frustration but really giving it all up to God. Here is a woman so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her.

Dwayna Litz is a Christian, no better than the next, but serious about her walk with God through obedience to His Word and evangelism. She never went to college, much less seminary, but she is indebted to tell people about Jesus for all that she has been forgiven, and she is hungry to know Him more through the study of His Word. And the longer she serves Him, the more she loves Him and appreciates His unmerited favor toward her in calling her His own and making her a Christian. She wakes up everyday with excitement for what God has planned and all that God has in store. This work is as natural as breathing in and out for her, different than the hopes and dreams she once held dear, but oh, so much better.

There was no comment function enabled on the blog post, so I wrote her an email, thanking her for her encouragement and telling her about how small I feel at times when I see and think about all the lost people in Los Angeles and as I serve at church. I hope she gets around to reading it. God’s plan is so much bigger than anything we can imagine.

Edit (3/22/09 7:48 pm): I received a response today from Dwayna. Here is the part where she says a few more things about this issue. I will take it to heart. I trust that her observations about how women feel are not a result of cultural conditioning but of the gender-specific personality characteristics God has purposefully created in us. To the gals that read this…do you also feel the same way?

Yes, it is VERY appealing to a woman when a man leads. It is worth the vulnerability required on the man’s part to lead well. It must feel “safer” in some ways to let the women make the first moves and initiate things, but it is much more appealing when the men do it and when the women let them. A woman loves to feel safe, like she is with a man who is decisive enough to lead. Some guys are so passive, it is as if no opinion or attraction is worth the risk of rejection or “failure.”  That approach does NOT make the woman feel like the “prize” God intends for her to be to a man. Real men pursue, and real women let them. Especially in the Lord. :-)

God bless you, and thank you so much again for the kind note.

For God’s glory,


One response to this post.

  1. holy cow, that woman posts a lot. hahaha. but it’s all so deeply insightful. thanks for this sam. i needed to hear this.

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