Onward

This first week of August has gone by so quickly. Actually the entire month of July too. Finished the last page of my 6th journal last week, and it seems fitting that I start my 7th as I begin a new stage. I moved to my new place in Lincoln Heights on Wednesday, and things were a little hectic as I tried to get everything settled: moving appliances, assembling furniture, organizing my belongings, cleaning the house, calculating bills. I haven’t had much time to sit and have an entire day to myself. Next week I hope my schedule is more stable.

I’ve been thinking about how at my old place, none of my roommates read my blog regularly. Some of them probably didn’t know I even had one. But now I’ll be living with people who do know about it. I’m going to have to get used to writing something that someone sitting in the same room as me can read right away without my knowing. Before, I could write my thoughts and know that if I wanted, I could articulate them in writing before sharing it with my roommates. Or I could keep it to myself. But not anymore. Will I write something before I share in person or will I begin to share in person before writing? We shall see. There’s a possibility of the awkward asymmetry of information…can’t explain too well except maybe by using Twitter/AIM/Facebook as an analogy. It’s kind of awkward if a roommate leaves the house without telling me where he’s going and then I find out what he’s up to by checking one of those three status updaters. Later, a conversation: “Hey how was the get-together?” (wondering secretly, “How come I wasn’t invited?”) “How’d you know?” “Well…uh..you put it on Twitter.” “Oh.” That’s when we start being more careful about the balance between the information we give to people in person and what we make accessible to them online. Maybe that explains why many people in college go from writing everything in their AIM away messages to writing the generic “Away” or “I am away from the computer right now.” So to conclude…I hope I continue to think and reflect and write and share. But we’ll see in what form that happens. To my new roomies, feel free to bring up anything I write about here in conversation.

Job search has been frustrating. Even though there were many days in the past few weeks when I’d finish my afternoon Starbucks sessions feeling so worn out, I know that I am learning a lot through it, to experience what many people in the country are facing, to know the feeling of frustration and, for many, desperation. If it was hard long ago to imagine that a USC alum who graduated magna cum laude can’t even get interviews for jobs that pay half of what my mom gets working part-time doing storytimes at the public library, it isn’t anymore. I really appreciated Jake’s insight one day as we ate dinner out on our porch (which I will miss doing dearly) about how people who go through tough economic times can come out more financially responsible and more wise in taking care of their money when they do have more in the future. As defeated as I may feel at times with the prospects of this next year, I know I will eventually go to a good grad school. Others do not have that assurance. Take care lest you forget…

Church has been burdensome, but not that kind of burdensome. I think I can explain with this. The first M-W definition of burden is “something that is carried ,” i.e. a duty or responsibility. The second definition is “something oppressive or worrisome.” Church is burdensome in the sense that I carry this load, this responsibility on my shoulders that I often struggle to hold. Church is not burdensome in the sense that it is oppressive or worrisome. The burden I feel is less of worry and more of concern.

Speaking of church, I just found out that our church website is actually pretty cool. I knew a while ago that one of our members was designing a website for our church, but last time I checked it it was pretty barebones. But it looks pretty nice now! See how awesome it is when the members of the body of Christ contribute their gifts and talents to the church. I can’t do everything in the EM, at least not well. I hope others may step up soon. I still pray daily for a full-time pastor. One day…

To my friends reading…you are welcome to visit YKC and Living Exodus Ministry (we hardly ever call ourselves a name anymore) on Sundays. It may not be very impressive, but maybe you will get a better sense of where I’m coming from if you visit. I know my friends would not look upon our ministry with the same evaluating eyes that a normal random visitor would, like the one girl who came a few weeks ago who just graduated Carnegie Mellon and moved to Buena Park because her parents moved there. She didn’t even stay for free lunch. I think it was pretty good food that week too. I’ve never written this or expressed this to anyone, but if by any chance God is working in you to go to a different church and serve, consider YKC. Just to throw it out there…

Broski’s coming back today. Excited to hear about all he’s learned and to see it put into action at YKC.

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