Archive for May, 2010

Giving inertia the finger 3

Wow, there has never been a month missing from the Archives column since I started writing in this thing. But alas, without having written at all in April, there won’t be a line for April 2010 there. There are several reasons I have felt less inclined to write in this blog since the last post. First is simply that I am so busy. Work now is full-time, with 4 days of full-time work and then 5 hours of tutoring on Friday and Saturday, and constant reading and assignments from my one Talbot class have kept me busy nonstop. Second is that in the moments where I find rest, I share it with a few others in reflection on the past week and preparation for the next week up ahead. It feels less necessary to share my thoughts with an online community when I have already shared my thoughts within face-to-face relationships. By then I’m already exhausted, and I need the rest of the time for myself to recharge for the week ahead.

On a side note…as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to cherish the preciousness of real, meaningful relationships and interactions with people to the exclusion of online substitutes. In addition to knowing that there are a handful of people in my life that deeply care for me and with whom I can share my concerns and thoughts, I have also taken comfort in the fact that God deeply cares for me and I can share with Him my concerns and thoughts (see my post on Twitter). Through college and now after college, I’ve come to realize that the blog should supplement my real, in-the-flesh relationships, not be a substitute for them. Nor should it be a place where I refer to emotions or experiences using vague and esoteric sentences. If it is to be meaningful, this should be a place where I put as much thought into writing as I do into my spoken communication–maybe even more thought, though, since it will be preserved on the Internet.

I lament the fact that many of my college buddies have given up writing their thoughts. There are still many meaningful things I can learn from others through their writings. I really hope it’s because they’ve come to value more interactions outside of the Internet and not because they aren’t learning anything new, or because they are just lazy. I’d much rather a friend spend 30 minutes writing something meaningful in a blog than 30 minutes on Facebook leaving comments on photos and status updates or 30 Twitter updates. If I can learn from them, then maybe there are also things I can teach to others. That’s why I’ve tried to keep writing. Some of my friends think that any time on the Internet is a waste of time. I don’t think so…and I want my blog to be a good example of this. To be honest though, I think as I grow older and especially when I have a girlfriend/wife, this blog will either completely fade, or, if it’s still around, it will be a forum where I share with visitors and acquaintances only what I’ve already discussed thoroughly with those closest to me. I think most readers my age or older can understand why.

Side, side note…chances are, this blog will get more active after I move to New York, since I won’t be able to enjoy the same in-person discussions and interactions as I am doing now, although I might even consider being diligent enough to email my closest friends regularly about what I’ve learned and try to sustain these relationships that way. We shall see.

So, the rest of this update will be just a summary of some the things I’ve been sharing with others. Though it is enough to share my insights with close friends, I do want to share it with those I might not interact with very much. I have been reflecting on this past year, year and a half and all the things that have happened, especially with regard to my path to law school. God has been faithful, and I have learned an incredible amount. My journey has been a testament to Matthew 6:33. Seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. AMEN.

I have gained a lot of perspective in the past 6 months working a white-collar job in a blue-collar industry. The occasional stress and uncertainty I feel in my job doesn’t seem like much when compared to the up-and-down weekly incomes of the truck drivers I manage. I’ve seen the workings of small business and I know the “intestinal fortitude” it takes to survive and push forward. It’s somewhat comforting to know that finally there are friends who can empathize with the vicissitudes of full-time work: the uneasy feeling of uncertainty regarding the outcome of the day’s work, the dread of waking up and anticipating the day’s work, the sick feeling of knowing that one foolish and tiny error has just resulted in a lot more work for yourself (and shame if it results in getting reprimanded), the frustration that you feel when you realize it’s only a few more hours till bedtime after dinner and you have all these things you wanted to do, how difficult it is to devote what energy you have left after work to doing more work (personal work, that is). Do all to the glory of God, do all to the glory of God, do all to the glory of God.

It is encouraging to hear those who are older affirm that what I am learning and experiencing in my job is practical and useful for the future. I agree wholeheartedly, although at the moment, what is more on my mind is the prayer that God will make a way for me to transition from this chapter of my life to the next. You start to realize that decisions as a “grown-up” take time to implement. They take diligent preparation as well as trust in God. With God’s help, I will man up and carry my load…

I still wear my orange wristband I got from the 1040 screening. It really does help me to be reminded to pray for what God is doing in Asia as well as my own life as it fits into that picture. I really encourage my friends to watch this film if there’s another screening in the So Cal area soon (wasn’t able to make it to UCLA a few weeks ago).