Archive for May, 2011

First year reflection

First year of law school is over, and I have been on break for a few weeks. Every time I think back on those last few months of the semester, all I can remember is being overworked and exhausted. It was mostly the same every day. I felt destroyed in class. Lunch was always a rush, whether trying to grab some free food at an event at the law school or making something quick at home. After class I would drag myself to the library and try to absorb all the dense and boring reading or try to outline and review my notes in preparation for the final exam. I would go to the gym and rush through a workout, then come home and eat dinner, either Trader Joe’s chicken and white rice, halal cart chicken and rice, or pasta. Then it was back to the library until the late hours of the night. I never went to bed right when getting home though. I always felt like I needed or deserved to “relax” a little before going to bed, even if it was late and I had to get up at 8 or 8:30 the next morning. Sometimes it was productive (doing taxes from 12-2 am, writing emails to friends). Sometimes it was leisure (Facebook, YouTube videos I would bookmark and save specifically for these times). But I realized, none of it was rest. It was time to myself, not thinking about school, but it was mere diversion and amusement, not true rest.

I’ve realized this in the few weeks that I’ve been on break. For the first few weeks after the semester, it was fun to hang out with friends and family and watch TV and go for a run and eat AYCE sushi, Korean BBQ, Shake Shack, In-N-Out, Mexican. Eat a lot, sleep a lot, “relax” a lot. And there it was again…mindless diversion and amusement. I realized that even though I craved time to myself, to “relax,” if it wasn’t alone time with God–to reflect, read the Word, and pray–it wasn’t true rest.

Writing this entry is part of my effort to seek true rest. Thank You Lord for being with me through finals. For helping me study despite getting sick before my first final and having stomach problems. It was very hard and discouraging at times. Thank You Lord that it is all over, that I made it through and did my best. Prepare me for this summer and for this next stage of my life. I want to make the most of my time, whether I am buried in work or completely free. Without kingdom purpose and Jesus at the center, both are meaningless and vain. Thank You so much for this chance to be at home and not worry about money or food or sleep or jobs. As I head back to New York and to my summer internship abroad, please help me to spend more time in fellowship with You. Help me to continue to grow in my love for You and for others.